A Case of Mistaken Identities
by Sketch My Fandom Love
Summary: Harry Potter and the Dursleys don't have a very good relationship in JK Rowling's books, and Vernon Dursley is especially abusive in the fanfiction adaptations. So here we are, in an alternate universe where Petunia and Dudley don't dislike Harry while Vernon does. And as a consequence, we get this little fun example of Vernon's ignorance. This is a one-shot.


**This is just a little fun blurb that I wrote on the fly, so don't take it seriously and remember that this is an alternate universe. Enjoy the read!**

**-Sketch My Fandom Love**

* * *

**A Case of Mistaken Identities**

The sizzle of buttered and seasoned shrimp in a pan resonated against Harry Potter's sing-song humming as he cooked lunch. Taking the spoon, he scooped the browning butter and poured it onto the shrimp, letting the crustaceans soak up and properly bathe in the sauce. The aroma was absolutely divine, and he was going to make _sure_ that he saved some for himself, no matter what Vernon might say about his privileges in his normal and respectable household that were not _at all_ uncomfortable and restricting (He stared for a moment straight out the window, watching Petunia sitting on the porch bench reading a book).

Harry spent the next few minutes sauteeing the shrimp until they were nice and gold, much smaller than they were before he put them on the cooker. He gathered the plates for the Dursleys and divided the shrimp between them before setting the table (discretely eating his fill, since he made enough for the four of them without anyone noticing). The smell of buttered shrimp and lemon was able to draw his cousin from the telly to the kitchen table with no trouble at all.

Dudley looked at the plates, sniffed the air, and breathed a satisfied sigh. "That smells so good." Dudley gave Harry a secretive thumbs up before calling his parents over for lunch. Vernon Dursley came lumbering downstairs, his immense weight making the steps under his feet resound with a bang each step and the wood to creak against the strain. Petunia closed the backdoor behind her and placed her book on a side table before making her way toward them.

Vernon hummed, murmuring to himself, "Wonderful, wonderful," before looking at Harry with dismissal. "Go wash the dishes boy, you can make yourself a sandwich, but I want the kitchen spotless after the mess you made." The Dursley family sat down at the table and began to tuck in, Vernon grabbing multiple scoopfuls of mashed potato and a few strands of asparagus.

Harry murmured his assent and went back to the kitchen, not seeing Dudley scowl at the asparagus Petunia shoveled onto his plate or Dudley himself pouring himself a glass of water from the pitcher Harry left them. Harry had already washed most of the pans he used while cooking, since he had time in between each piece of food to do so, and since he was almost done, and the Dursleys normally took their sweet time to eat, Harry took the opportunity to feed himself more and made a sandwich, filling it up with leftovers of yesterday's ground beef and swiss cheese. It ended up being a nice, fat sandwich that Harry enjoyed to the fullest. And because he had a decent serving of delicious shrimp not long before, Harry could practically feel his stomach (small as it was) expand to tell him that he wouldn't go hungry for the next few hours if not till tomorrow morning.

Finishing his sandwich, Harry took a moment to lean comfortably against the kitchen counter before finishing up with the dishes. And by the time he was done, the Dursleys had also finished their meal.

"Boy, don't forget to pick up the table." Vernon called to him as he went towards the front door and grabbed his coat and wallet. "I'll be back in an hour, Pet." Petunia followed him to the door and kissed him farewell on the cheek.

The front door closed with a silent click before Petunia turned around and grinned at Dudley. "Get the cards, Dudders, we'll be playing a few rounds before your father gets back." Petunia walked briskly towards the table and started picking up the dishes. "Harry, dear, help me get ready." Harry grinned and jogged over, picking up the rest of the dishes and putting them to wash while Petunia put the clean appliances away.

Dudley stomped quickly back down the stairs with a deck of cards and an excited grin on his face. He waived the deck about as he walked into the kitchen. "I've got them!"

Harry whipped his hands dry on the kitchen towel and hung it to dry on the oven handle. He and Petunia made their way to the table where Dudley set up the cards and a few coins, giving everyone seven cards and two coins while the rest of the deck sat at the center.

"Nice," Harry said as Dudley dole out the cards.

"Now remember, boys, that we've only forty-five minutes till fifteen-hundred hours. so we'll have to make this one quick." Petunia looked them both in the eyes before picking up her batch, the boys doing the same. "Now remember, gather your coins and flick them. Whoever has both coins facing heads first will go first. If there are two of us who do, then we'll go against each other and do it again. Go!"

Everyone flicked their coins and caught them and flipped them onto their left wrist.

Harry cheered while Dudley whined as both of Harry's coins landed heads. Petunia's didn't get the heads, so she and Dudley went against each other on the second round to determine who would go after Harry.

"It's you and me now, son. Let's see who's got the luck," so they flicked their coins and placed them on their wrists on the opposite side. Petunia got her heads while Dudley only got one, and the placement was decided.

Harry picked up his cards and kept them for his eyes alone, shuffling them around and matching them when more than one appeared. He cleared his throat and looked towards Petunia. "Do you have any sevens?"

Petunia looked down at her deck, then up again with a wicked smirk before opening her mouth to say two damning words: "Go fish."

Harry groaned and picked up a card from the deck in the center. It was a four, so he put it in between his two threes and one seven.

Petunia looked towards Dudley and asked for his kings. "Go fish," he said, and Petunia picked up a card. Dudley turned towards Harry and asked for his sevens with a mischievous grin on his face.

Harry glumly handed over his one seven and brought his cards closer to his chest. "Don't presume that I'll allow this slight to pass, cousin," he jabbed.

Dudley narrowed his eyes, looked back down at his cards and looked back up with the resolve of a challenger. "Challenge accepted, cousin. Give me your nines."

Harry didn't have any nines, and declared that Dudley must go fish, or else he will starve.

Harry took this chance to challenge Petunia, asking for a five. She handed him two before he turned back to Dudley. "Give me your fours."

Dudley scowled and gave him three fours, which allowed Harry to make a nice little book he set aside to maybe-possibly gloat about later (if he won, of course; which he, he most assuredly believes, will). Harry went back to his aunt and asked for a three. She didn't have one, so he had to follow along.

They continued playing for the next fifteen minutes before hearing Vernon's car driving up to the house, back from wherever it was he was off to. Petunia, Dudley, and Harry looked up at each other in panic, not expecting him to be home so early and gathered up the cards, putting the chairs back in place and hiding any evidence of them having played together. Dudley and Harry went back upstairs where they split off into their respective rooms while Petunia grabbed her book and sat on the couch in the living room, pretending to have been reading the entire time.

* * *

**Done!**

**Notes: The reason for the title is to highlight how little Vernon Dursley knows about the dynamic and happenings within his own home. Petunia and Dudley obviously like Harry in this story while Vernon clearly doesn't. He, as a result, believes that the rest of his family agree with him, but he's wrong, all the same. In this case, the "identity" that Vernon made up for them in his mind (cruel and apathetic towards Harry) was a mistaken classification.**

**I hope you liked it! Leave me a comment, and follow/favorite to show your support! I might dish out more of these little blurbs in the future, and maybe a story or two once I'm done hashing out details and finalizing their endings.**


End file.
